What's in a Name?

Swelling in my belly is a brand new child

Unplanned, with two hands, ten tiny toes,

A little button nose, and cheeks of blooming rose

But the eyes, we'll keep them closed.

I don't want to see me reflected with uncertainty

Scratched into my face disguised by disgrace

Masquerading as a happy smile. The wile

within me sickens my heart, quickens my heart,

until I want to tear myself apart. But instead it's

my baby who's to blame, with no name, and no hope.

It will have to cope with my mistakes and

heartaches that lead me to this clinic.

The cold metal of tools doesn't fool a fooler.

There will be pain, and from it I will gain

My dream of a future. I alone can suture my dream

With reality. But in actuality, I am scared.

There is something deep, less like a cry

And more like a weep shaking me inside.

I've been hit by a tide of guilt. Of steel I was not built,

But of flesh and bone, semi-cloned by my parents.

I was so lucky to have been loved, only to be shoved

Into making this decision alone. I hear the crack of a bone

The disgusting groan of a speechless child. Have I gone wild?

No, it is my child. My only child. And I am the mother

Of a beautiful boy whom I want to destroy.

Not want, but need to bleed to live my glittering life.

Under the knife, I hold my son until the names start to run

Through my head. David. That's his name, and he is alive.

A tiny person trying to survive within me. Before the knife cuts

The door behind me shuts. David is his name who has spoken

His claim of my heart's love. And when his eyes open

wide and alive, let the guilt subside and the joy betide me.

I am a mother born anew with my son, David,

Blessed with two beautiful eyes of blue. Who knew?


© Mikal Minarich