What's in a Name?

Swelling in my belly is a brand new child

Unplanned, with two hands, ten tiny toes,

A little button nose, and cheeks of blooming rose

But the eyes, we'll keep them closed.

I don't want to see me reflected with uncertainty

Scratched into my face disguised by disgrace

Masquerading as a happy smile. The wile

within me sickens my heart, quickens my heart,

until I want to tear myself apart. But instead it's

my baby who's to blame, with no name, and no hope.

It will have to cope with my mistakes and

heartaches that lead me to this clinic.

The cold metal of tools doesn't fool a fooler.

There will be pain, and from it I will gain

My dream of a future. I alone can suture my dream

With reality. But in actuality, I am scared.

There is something deep, less like a cry

And more like a weep shaking me inside.

I've been hit by a tide of guilt. Of steel I was not built,

But of flesh and bone, semi-cloned by my parents.

I was so lucky to have been loved, only to be shoved

Into making this decision alone. I hear the crack of a bone

The disgusting groan of a speechless child. Have I gone wild?

No, it is my child. My only child. And I am the mother

Of a beautiful boy whom I want to destroy.

Not want, but need to bleed to live my glittering life.

Under the knife, I hold my son until the names start to run

Through my head. David. That's his name, and he is alive.

A tiny person trying to survive within me. Before the knife cuts

The door behind me shuts. David is his name who has spoken

His claim of my heart's love. And when his eyes open

wide and alive, let the guilt subside and the joy betide me.

I am a mother born anew with my son, David,

Blessed with two beautiful eyes of blue. Who knew?


© Mikal Minarich

The Unburdening

There was no mistaking his suicidal intentions as he stood on the bridge at a quarter to midnight, leaning over the railing in terrifying silence. Thankfully he had no idea that I was intruding during his last contemplations from a good three yards away. The bridge was built on a rather steep slope that swooped down to where our family trailer had been placed some years before I was born. It was only when I realized that the bug light had been left on that I stepped outside the door and thrust myself into this man's final moment, although he wasn't aware of it. The screen door was still ajar as I stood in shock, watching the man's every move with intense stillness. Despite the severity of the whole situation, I found myself caught up in the overwhelming romanticism of the tragic man, staring down into the black sheet of glass that reflected the myriad of stars. The backdrop of diamonds embedded in the night sky put the man's danger in a new perspective. 

Ch. 11

“Purah!”

I don't know what brought me to burst forth with the confounded monster's word, but I yelled it out above the two arguing men. My mind had been rewinding at an exceptional speed, and when I came across the moment the creature had shouted that, it was like the monster had used my throat to proclaim the word to the village men. The result was utter silence. All eyes were on me again, but not one of them were intimidating. They were all horrified, with some covering their mouths and others with lower jaws unhinged. I had no idea what I had just said, but apparently the men did. Even Mr. Garris had closed his eyes and tilted his head back. I instantly regretted my outburst. The thought of burning at the stake overtook my memory of the morning.

Ch. 10

“What happened!?” For a long length of time I had been petrified by Ferlo's sudden death. Twice in one trip I had witnessed horrifying seizures that will no doubt be imprinted in my memory for the rest of my life. An unfamiliar voice shattered into my moment of shock, jerking me back to the horror of Ferlo's death. Twisting my torso to see who it was, I was surprised how heavy my head felt as I tilted it back to look up. It was like a my hair was being pulled hard towards the ground. When my eyes connected with a human face, I realized how much I wanted to be alone. I didn't want to meet anyone else from this sinister village.

Ch. 9

For some minutes I was incapable of moving. The boy ignored any attempts I made to pacify him, but before long, a man I didn't know came to collect the boy. Apparently the boy was to be my guide to Mr. Garris's hut, but when the boy didn't return, the father became suspicious and started to search. When he saw his son's forehead, he made the sign of the cross in front of both of them, then wiped it away with his sleeve. Eventually the boy's sobs had faded into whimpers, permitting the man to tend to me. He asked if I was hurt in any way, and stretched my legs one at a time. It seemed to help. The blood began to flow through my body once more. It took some patience, but I was finally able to stand up and walk. With his son's hand in his, and his other hand gripping my arm, he lead both of us down a trail through the shrubbery, allowing us time for introductions.

Ch. 8

With a new-found respect for my host, I rose and followed him quietly to a mean bed that had been arranged for me. It was a mat of straw with animal hide for a cover. There was no pillow. The absence of one didn't phase me however, as I wouldn't be sleeping that night anyway. I was much too troubled and shaken to even close my eyes longer than three seconds. Mr. Garris lit a small candle sitting next to my bed, and without any goodbye or well wishes, he turned to go. The desperation that now surged through me was impossible to constrain. I begged Mr. Garris to send someone to stay with me, but he shrugged me off. “No one will stay here,” was all he said. How is it that it that the church was the safest place for me, but not for him? There wasn't much that I could do. He walked off, ignoring my pleas and, sadly, my whimpers. All hope I had for comfort was shut out when my host placed the uneven planks back into the opening.